Oh Boy

This week, in an email to a friend I wrote "I can certainly relate about not having retained writing skills, etc. Since the person I talk to the most is two years old, I feel like my brain has turned to mush. Even my blog is sometimes a blithering chronicle of the lives of my children more than anything truly thought provoking. It is an interesting paradox to love being domestic but still want to stretch my mind and experience new things."


Regardless of all that, it's been a long time since I've done an update on the kiddos and I'm sure I'll want to remember this stuff someday.  So here goes...

Adric is the sunshine of my life.  He's such a good baby.  He sleeps great now and we've settled into a comfortable routine.  He still sleeps quite a bit during the day which makes it much easier for me to get things done.  He usually falls asleep for the night around 11:30 or midnight which is perfect for me, and he usually wakes up once or twice a night to eat.  There have been several nights, though, where I'll go out into the living room to feed him and accidentally fall asleep on the couch.  My muscles are always a little achy the next morning.  He is pretty dependent on nursing to fall asleep, and I know we'll have to train him out of that soon but I don't mind it so much.  He loves to cuddle until he is asleep - once he's out, he wants his space!  We often end up like this:

He's a great eater.  I am so relieved that I have been able to exclusively breastfeed him for nearly four months.  (You might remember how many problems I had the first time around.)  I have grown to love feeding him.  It's such a sweet bonding time for us - in fact, he often gets distracted from eating by having staring contests with me and he'll stop eating to smile up at me.  I just melt.  I've also become a lot more confident about feeding him in public so that I don't have to hide out at home or in the car or in a gross public restroom all the time.  I've finally gotten the hang of doing it inconspicuously (a huge thanks to my friend Molly for the cute nursing cover!) and at this point nobody even realizes what's going on, or if they do, they aren't presumptuous enough to say anything.  Most of the time, if I have a choice, I'll feed Adric somewhere private, but there have been a handful of occasions where we've been out to eat or at the park or a play date and there wasn't a convenient place.  I'm pleased that he has a steady diet of the most healthy thing available, and imagine how much money we've saved on formula!

Adric rolls all over the place.  He never stays in one spot!  He's eager to start crawling around, too.  He pushes his feet into the ground and ends up in the downward dog position.  He doesn't have the strength or coordination in his arms yet, though.  He loves to suck on his fingers.  At his most recent doctor's appointment, he had more than doubled his birth weight.  I love his little chubby cheeks.  The doctor told me that on a scale of 1 to 10 he is a 35.  He's a keeper for sure.

Now on to Bear.  Phew.  This kid wears me out.  I love love love him, but he certainly has his difficult moments.  Bear goes through phases where he behaves really well (I treasure them!) and other phases where he's a bit of a stinker.  For the past two weeks it's been the latter.  Overall, he is a happy, bright little kid, but the word the professionals use is "spirited."  He constantly wants to explore everything, which usually means making a mess or breaking something.  When we go to story time at the library, he does NOT want to sit in a circle with the other kids.  He is more active and more impulsive than other kids his age.  It's not that he's angry or spoiled or that he is a bad kid.  I'm not worried about any extraordinary special needs or medical issues.  I just haven't figured out how to handle his spirit yet.  I love him so much and I want to raise him to be successful.  His biting problem began a whole year ago and we still haven't kicked the habit for good.  He's gone for months at a time without any biting, but it always comes back to haunt us.  He started up again on Halloween, and after church yesterday the nursery leader pulled me aside and suggested that either me or James to be there with him until his behavior improves.  She was incredibly tactful about it, but I was still pretty torn up.  It's beyond frustrating to do my very best to teach him patience and gentleness but have it all be seemingly futile.


We do have moments where I think we're making progress.  He has gotten better at sharing.  At the beach last Friday, he took his bag of chips and, unprovoked, handed them out to each kid.  He also brings blankets from his room and covers Adric up and tries to give Adric his pacifier.  Sometimes he wants to lay down next to Adric and make eye contact with him and they laugh together.  Bear has also been extremely well behaved on Sunday mornings.  Since James has early meetings every Sunday, I have to get the kids ready for church on my own, and I also sit alone with them during sacrament meeting while James is up front being all preside-y.  Bear has been pretty great during those hours each Sunday - I guess he just saves it all up for nursery!


I still completely love being his mom.  Let me reassure you, I'm not a total wreck and Bear is not a little hellion child.  Life is still pretty grand for the majority of the time.  For all of the frustrating moments, there are an equal number of tender ones.  I especially love watching him say prayers at bedtime: "Hefaver... Thank you for this day... Love Daddy, Mommy and Eegock (how he says Adric)... name Jees Christ.... AMEN!!"  He usually loves bedtime.  We read lots of books, brush teeth, and say prayers.  As I tuck him in, he always says, "Love you mommy! Night-night!"


We tried potty training him a few months back, and while it wasn't a total failure, we decided to postpone it for a little while.  Bear was GREAT at going potty as long as we were at home and he didn't have friends over - in fact, during those times, he didn't have a single accident.  But being out in public or having friends to play with proved to be too distracting for him at this point.  I absolutely want to avoid forcing it on him before he is ready.  I've seen parents do that and the results made me sad.


I'm reading a few parenting books right now that are really resonating with me.  One is called Taming the Spirited Child by Michael Popkin.  The other is Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  These books have been a huge source of relief and quality advice.  They have reassured me that I'm not a bad mother and I don't have a bad kid.  I am very hopeful that we will be able to resolve Bear's behavioral issues and help him use his spirit in a positive way.  I think his personality will help him become very successful someday.  And as James reminds me, Bear is only two years old.  We'll get it figured out.